Dilemma

What is the true measure of a man's deeds? Is it what he does and says when you are looking, or his actions and statements when he thinks you are not? This has been an idea that has been playing in my mind for some time now, and I really can't seem to find an answer to this question. But one thing is quite clear to me: this question cannot be answered as it is posed-- it must be put in a certain context. But to what context you may ask. Well, if this question is asked regrding someone who is not so dear to you, then the answer would be simple: what he says and does when you are not aware can be said to be the most honest and real measure of who he is as this will not involve any pretensions or masks. What is displayed then is the real person, not the person he thinks you would want to see.

But then again, this question is usually not posed under such circumstances. Most likely, you would want to know the answer to this question because the person involved is utterly dear and important to you. Of course, why would you go into so much trouble if that person wasn't, right? So this brings me back to an almost unanswerable query. But now, as I think of it, this is really not the question that should be asked. I guess I should not be so completely concerned with the answer here, as the more important question that must guide me is how much this person means to me. Because, if I answer this correctly, I believe that I will not need to have to bother with the answer to the previous question at all.

Let me explain. In the first question, that which dwells on the matter of how you regard a person based on his actions inside or outside the scope of your perception, any real difference therein can bring great discrepancies as to how you relate with such a person. If you focus on this problem, any act on the part of that person which seems to be good for you can really bring him to your good graces. On the other hand, given the further knowledge that another action of his dispels that first action, nothing good can really be produced. Take for example a compliment. If that person compliments you for something, you tend to rely on that and feel good about yourself since that person's statements mean much to you. However, if you later realize that some other thing has been said about you by that person, something that is not entirely favorable, then you have a problem. Which statement would you believe? The statement that was said to your face and is something that you so desperately want to believe, or the other statement that was not meant to be heard by you? Thus, the original question is brought up. And believe me, you will spend sleepless nights trying to figure this out.

However, another procedure can be taken here. What if you simply did not care if the second statement was ever said at all? What if, despite your knowledge of it, you choose to simply disregard it? Yeah, I know that many of you would call this as being an act of denial, of being delusional to the point of not accepting reality. In truth, this is actually a very illogical act indeed. However, as I have pointed out earlier, the person involved here is not merely any person at all, but a person you are deeply connected with. And as such, certain rules can be waived... for the sake of the relationship. And this includes some fundamentals of logic.

Here, it must be stressed that what is important is not what was said, but what that person means to you. It's not a matter of your knowing which statement was probably meant by the other, rather, it involves your figuring out, after everything the both of you have been through, what each statement means to you. And if the relationship is simply deep enough, then the negative statement is nullified. It might have been said, but it does not matter because the person you know would only mean what is positive for you. This reminds me of a concept introduced in that classic philosophical film, Shallow Hal. There, it was asked that if you really adored Wonderwoman, would you live your life craving for your perfect woman, or would you simply succomb to the rumor that she does not exist. True enough, with pure emotions and deep relations, certain truths can be held in abeyance.

But then again, I add to this by saying that theis process is not so illogical as it may seem. As I believe in the strength of a relation, of a bond, what I am actually doing is to reaffirm a hope I have in that person. I hope that what we have is truly greater than any words that may have been said. I hope for the best. And if I choose not to hope at all, that is the more illogical course of action.

So, faced with the question earlier asked, I come up with an answer seemingly irrational but ripe with sense. It does not matter.In the end, I choose to believe in the person and to hope for the best for us.