Who is Shutruk-Nahunte?

I can't sleep.

After spending the afternoon and much of the evening in the spa, after stuffing my face with kebab, and doing all this in the company of good friends, the last thing that I expected to experience before going to bed is another of my seemingly masochistic mind adventures. But here I am now, typing my insomnia away.Bear with me as, this time, I cascade down towards a discussion on my own so-called greatness.

What do I consider to be my greatest achievement? Quite frankly, I really don't know. I mean, could any one of us pinpoint a particular thing we did that we can consider as the greatest achievement we've done? True enough, when it comes to our own successes, we really can't see clearly what's great or not. We can't help but be a bit biased. With this, what then can we use to determine whether or not we are doing the right things with regard to our lives? And the answer is simple: We can see how our actions and relations affect others, and how they in turn reflect us in their lives. We can evaluate our importance with the value people see in us and in our deeds.

And it is because of this concept that I have been getting sleepless nights lately. I'm tempted to attribute this to the familiar quarter life crisis that I've been reading about in my emails, but I'm not really sure though. In any case, I've been thinking about how deeply I've touched others, how I've made a difference in others' lives,and what I see is not so inspiring. I try my best to reach out and make a lasting impression, but in most cases, I fail.I fail to make dents that are big enough in their lives . And one dent in particular strikes me as one of the biggest disappointments to date. In some ways, probably the greatest role I've ever played is not so great after all. And I just can't figure how I could have failed when I never even realized I did.

Maybe it is true that great ambition and conquest without contribution is without significance. As the case is, some of the greatest leaders in history are no longer remembered today because their people have forgotten them. Great men who only imagined themselves as being great. They imagined themselves as having touched the lives of others because of acts that they thought could touch the lives of others. But they were wrong.

But then again, I think further, and come to the conclusion that there is something more here. I look at my past failures and realize that I have really contributed something. I have made dents. Great ones at that. And if others do not see them, it is not my fault, nor is it my loss. It's maybe just because they haven't noticed them yet. Or maybe they do not realize that these are dents and focus more on other things. Sometimes, less important things. But my acts are there, and there is no need for me to be disappointed with myself. What matters is that I know that I've done good, and I was happy doing so. And I know that in some ways, I was able to touch lives. I have contributed.To my mind, my greatest role is one where I contributed the most. And it is still the greatest achievement I've made, bias or no bias. To me, what I did was important.

I am Shutruk-Nahunte, King of Ashand and Susa, Sovereign of the Land of Elam. Forgotten today? Yes. But I was still king, and I had a kingdom. And what a beautiful kingdom it was!

Maybe I'll be able to sleep now.

But still, it would feel good to know that you were appreciated...